Mr Trump could be right about fake news

By: Brian Rogers brian@thesun.co.nz

I was watching a documentary with the grandchildren and quickly became suspicious about the information screened.

It was a dramatisation of the life of early mankind; when prehistoric beings roamed the earth with dinosaurs and lived in caves and somehow managed to survive without plastic straws.

One of the first signs of inaccuracy in this doco was when the prehistoric man they called Fred, used a sabre tooth tiger to open a can of food. I became further suspicious when his wife Wilma operated a small elephant, improvised as a vacuum cleaner, around their stone house in Bedrock.

But the real giveaway was when Fred got into his stone car. A flaw in this depiction was easy for an alert journalist such as myself to spot: the car was engineered in such a way that it would be impossible to turn corners.

Now not many of you would be astute enough to notice such a small but important detail.

Defies science

Now we can give them the benefit of the doubt with a talking, truncated live vacuum cleaner and possibly roll with the sabre toothed can opener. But a car that won’t turn corners is just a bit far-fetched for this enquiring mind.

Fortunately I know these things because my brother is an engineer and I have grown up with such practical scepticisms ingrained.

Many attempts have been made over the years by engineers and even backyard enthusiasts to replicate the Stone Age car, but all have suffered the same crippling problem. Two rock rollers joined by parallel and fixed side rails means the vehicle has no ability to turn.

So either the documentary is some clever fake, or Mr Flintstone only ever drove one way down a straight road and then reversed straight back.

More suspicions

Other news this week that has raised our suspicions:

The government is to set up some working groups to investigate why it needs so many working groups. Currently the number of working groups is 152 and counting, which will cost the country $170m, which is about what we saved by not using plastic straws.

Dammit I’m mad, when spelt backwards, is ‘dammit I’m mad’ but only if you conveniently ignore the apostrophes.

Play it again, Bill

We’ve been reminded this week of a story too good to be true. In 1999 Aussie truck driver Bill Morgan, who was clinically dead for 14 minutes after a vehicle crash, then won a car with a scratchy card. When a TV news station asked him to re-enact the scratchy moment, he bought another card and won a further $250,000 while the cameras rolled.

Dodgy song lyrics

The word ‘macaroni’ was used in 18th century Britain as a slang word for ‘fashionable’.

It became a trendy word to throw around among the young and the rich  who had travelled to Italy, and macaroni became a buzz word for fashionistas of the time.

 Hence the line in the song ‘Yankee Doodle’, which has never made sense until now: “put a feather in his hat and called it macaroni”.

Meanwhile, an escaped prisoner was found in the outback, camping. It was a case of criminal in tent.

Fishy names

Questionable names: We’ve always been a bit suspicious of Cee Payne as a representative of the New Zealand nurses’ union, so we’ve been keeping a watch for other people with names too conveniently appropriate for their positions.

This week we introduce Jon Bass, spokesman for Seafood Expo Asia.

Sounds a bit hoki to me.

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